Stage Fright...

For a great many weeks now, I have been attending a burlesque course, with the interesting folk, that make up Ayla's Angels Burlesque Troupe.

Ranging from the beautiful and sophisticated style, of "Bonita Danger Doll", to the quirky and unusually enchanting "Harlow Le Strange", our group have been learning many different elements that make up the famed art of tease (certainly not to be confused with slease!)


I've found this course, to have provided an amazing range of new acquaintances, and a taste of the more extravagant performance arts culture in our very conservative Christchurch base.

In terms though of feeling nurtured as an aspiring artist, I'm not really sure this course has delivered.  However, bringing about a new sense of body confidence, and a renewed vigor for empowering individuals to experiment with less main stream ideas, has definitely been entertaining, and for me personally, has me watching youtube clips of performers world wide, and following the many pursuits of the amazing talent that the caberlesque movement in NZ has to offer.

This Sunday serves as opportunity to debut my new alter ego - Miss Sassy Penders and nerves aside, I may  not deliver quite the polished act of a seasoned performer, but I'll give it a good go.

I guess this is the part where you guys all say "break a leg" 

Nestled in the corner...

Sipping on a warm cup of "Japanese Lime" Green Tea.

Soaking in the mellow sounds of an acoustic Spanish album. It certainly sounds wonderful, mind you they could be singing about burying their wives in the back yard for all I know.

Making the comment on my Facebook profile last night, that I felt slightly tormented by all the things I want to do, has led me to my blog, for a third time this week.

I don't generally blog this often, but I do find it remarkably therapeutic, in terms of working through thoughts, and ideas and generally giving the old noodle a bit of a shuffle about and tidy up.
 
There was a time where I felt that having been involved in so many different things was a bit of a failure, 'Jack of all trades, master of none' is the phrase that used to spring to mind often.

In recent years though, I've come to the conclusion that I am merely quite a creative person who not only enjoys a challenge, but more requires one, much like oxygen, in order to live a healthy life.

I don't think I'm particularly flakey, I don't change my personal values on a whim.

But there are just so many things I want to learn, and achieve, and master. It's sometimes difficult to know where to start.

At the beginning would be the most logical I suppose; Trying to find that point though, is not really as easy as it sounds.

Perhaps I need to begin writing lists, the trouble with me and lists however, is that they often get left in the bottom of my handbag, on the kitchen counter, or in a pants pocket, getting a super clean from the washing machine.

In terms of having direction, it's not often that I choose to sit still, but from time to time I find myself in this interesting juncture, weeding through the bounty of possibilities, my magpie'ish mind has collected and fallen in love with over a generally short period of time.

While I get immense pleasure and satisfaction with my work as a Weight Watchers leader, and with the restructure of my cake and cupcake making business (no longer mass producing plain cupcakes with a dumping of frosting and sprinkles on top, for cheap bargain hunting...oops away I go again about the great kiwi cheapo...), there are many other pursuits that I would like to learn more about, and participate in too.

A  complimentary suggestion made to me the other day about submitting my writing to a newspaper or magazine, struck a chord; while I've been pottering away with a fictional novel over the last couple of months, a submission it is still a wee way in the future. The possibility of my writing being of enough interest for a regular features spot, was a bit exciting. So this among other things gets added to my list of "want to do"

If only the list stopped there; I guess my personal challenge for the week is to being to whittle down the current list of want to do, to a smaller version of need to do.

OH boy! ... Wish me luck ...

Ali xo

Ever feel like you have bitten off more than you can chew?

Perhaps that horrific moment in the changing room at your favourite store, when with a wiggle and contortionist movement, you managed to fit your body into an ill fitting garment, all is fine......just as long as you don't breath, cough or dare I say it... laugh!

Looking in the mirror, you try to make it work though, go on, we've all done it, if I put my shoulders back here, or wear something loose fitting over top, or if I put some control topped pantyhose on, it could work...couldn't it?

The horror  really sinks in, though, as you hear a piece of cotton finally let go with a pop, as you try to shrink yourself enough to get back out of it.

Well okay, it wasn't really the garment that was ill fitting, it was that our eyes told a story that was somewhat different, to the hard reality that a size 8 is simply not going to fit on a size 12 body; No matter how much sucking it in, pushing it up and hoping for the best that we do.


Ultimately though, we eventually manage to untangle ourselves,  awkwardly admitting to the sales assistant that it was perhaps not quite the right fit.

I was having an interesting conversation this evening with a good friend of mine, who is currently going through some incredibly big changes in their world. To top it off has embarked in some pretty full on study. Seeing the words, I think I've bitten off a bit more than I can chew, appear on my screen were not something I ever thought this person would utter.

After a bit of a pep talk, and some successful distraction, I'm optimistic that a bit of renewed vigour for the task at hand was awakened.

This conversation got me thinking about those times where I've personally felt a little stuck and overwhelmed.

And I think my figurative example above sums it up for me.

At times we do have our eyes set on a prize that is a little far reaching, and some times, try as we might to force the situation, it's just simply not a good fit for us.

The great thing is, there is nothing that we can get ourselves into, that we can't get out of, even if damage does mimic the effort we used worming our way there in the first place.

More often than not, there is an amazing alternative just around the corner (or on the rack as the case may be), and sometimes it's worth holding on to our original plan and adjusting a few other things in our environment to make it work ....like eating a few less twinkies.

Night x

In the midnight hour

From time to time, the mind runs rampant, flickering through all the elements that create our days, weeks and months, lives.

It would appear that for me, the time for such a moment, is upon me. Right this very moment.

Not entirely ideal, it is after all, 12.58am.

The last couple of months have served as a large reminder, that despite our best intentions, at times things do not go as we had forecast.

Several years ago, I published a magazine, encompassing the amazing talent in the holistic community in New Zealand, I jumped in, guns blazing, overly optimistic, not naive, but too trusting that the publication would be well supported, thus well funded.

Well supported it was!

Finding writers and people wanting to share their beliefs and benefit of life lessons was a cinch, everyone has a story, and experience that given a moment to share, will do so willingly.

Advertisers too came thick and fast, oh, yes, provided the cost was screwed right down to the bare bones.

The result, an amazing publication, that was professional, rich in text, knowledge, and advertising.

My faith in the advertisers and their willing to commit a nominal fee to the magazine however, was disappointed.

Seems to be a common kiwi trait, everyone wants the best for nothing, or as little as possible. A bargain.

Since that experience, I have learned a few things about being in business, and counting chickens. I prefer now days to be a little more circumspect.

As we all know though, even the best laid plans, can be hindered by unforeseen circumstances.

I've always believed in communication.

I could in fact be accused, and rightly so, for being a little bit too fond of communication. My dear friends, must get tired at times with the 5 page long text messages on their cell phones from me (I refuse to speak in textish!). Particularly during self perceived troublesome events, usually if I feel that my motives and intentions have been ill received, yes, I'm a bit of a brooder sometimes. HEY! I'm human too.

Communicate as I might though, obstacles have come in thick and fast since I engaged my cake and cupcake business in a "bargain deal" website mid last year.

Armed with a bit of experience, I took a leap of faith with my work, and decided to try out one of these "new" 24 hour discounted deal sites.

While I went in with my eyes wide open, I wasn't really prepared for what a sensational hit my products would be, caught up in the overwhelming hype of booming sales, when I received the call from my account manager, asking if I would be prepared to up the limit of units available, of course, I eagerly said yes.

Now, I'm not sure if it's my mind set that really creates these issues for me, drawing in the energy if you will. But I personally, do not believe that you get something for nothing. I do believe that in order to have the things we desire, we must first believe we are worth those things, and then we must work hard for them.


That crazy, hyped up, exciting deal, committed me to making, not just a few dozen, but just shy of 500 dozen cupcakes.

WOWZA.

That stinking hard work ethic and mindset bit me in the patootie right from the get go!

Now, I'm not sure if you are personally in business yourself, or you use these bargain sites as a consumer, I have to say, I'm no longer a fan.

In my opinion, the large population of these bargain sites sprouting up, and showering our inbox and cell phone with discounted services and deals, from unsuspecting small to medium sized operations, are doing more harm than good. Stripping down profit margins, and creating a large demand that in many cases can not be easily met, after the hype and excitement of the figurative ringing cash register has finished.

The breed of customer, is largely represented by the haggler, petty, quibbling, and often contentious mannered folk, trying to squeeze the last drop of blood, in the hopes of really getting more bang for their buck. In a selfish somewhat greedy fashion.

Of course this is a sweeping generalisation, and my dealings with many customers that have stemmed from my "deal" last year have been mixed, with a very rare few, actually buying a product, and being grateful and thankful for the opportunity to sample a portion of what my business had to offer and a special and "temporarily" discounted rate.

 Sadly for the most part though, the customer base has been represented in the former, not the latter.

In a bit of a comedy of errors, I blundered my way through customers and little cakes, making friends, and black listing a few self confessed cupcake fanatics (psychopaths). 


During this, my body giving up and forcing me into hospital was a highlight, although on my back, paralyzed with pain, a bonafide loss of strength and function on one side of my body, AND off my face and rotten sick with various pain killers, anti inflammatories and (anti-hope you don't get too backed upperers)...at least, AT LEAST!  I got to have a day off from pushy, rude, ignorant folk, who wanted their bargain deal, outside of the perimeters of what they purchased. I wonder perhaps if the English language is a bit of a hard grasp for many online consumers?

Okay, I'll lay off my obvious dislike, for the internet bargain whores for now.

For the hard work though, there must be a pay off, a light at the end of the tunnel....some reward, for the at times painfully embarrassing, communication; For putting myself out there and not counting my chickens, and maybe allowing myself to get caught up in the excitement of success.


I've learned a lot more about myself, clearly I am not in love with the average, cheap kiwi. 

Nor do I seem to be overly fussed on discounted sales and services for small business owners; who for all intentions, just want to "make it" in their field.

Honestly, who doesn't lust to be incredibly good at and recognised for what they do. 

It's certainly in my own personal genetics, I'm sure of it.


Regardless, of perceived failure in the area at times, I am still a huge fan of being open and honest, and communicating to the best of my ability, however, this is certainly an area (as with all areas in my life) that I am eager and willing to learn more about.


I began writing this blog this morning, feeling somewhat defeated, after receiving an abrupt third party communication from an accounts department, to which my cupcake business is still in debt.

Yes, that is slightly awkward to admit, but let's be real here, there have been a few major issues, totally out of my hands to deal with. And certainly, while I can not put things back to February forever, for the time being my reality is ... no cake ... no $. 


I'm ending this blog this evening, though, feeling a little more positive, the lack of finance and cash flow from my business, a luxury and indulgent item, was unavoidable, regardless of internet deals, or illness. 

The climate in Christchurch has changed, and I am not the only small business who wasn't well enough equipped to deal with ongoing environmental challenges.


I have been incredibly successful in previous projects and I will excel again in the future. For now with strong communication and keeping people informed, of where things are at and where they are going, if nothing else, I can hold my head high and know I have done everything in my power to create continued forward momentum.


So with that, an epically long self reflection, I'll bid you farewell for now, but leave you with a challenge, yes, aimed at you bargain hunters....


Next time you want a bargain, go out and buy something, from an actual store, from an actual human being, who you know dug their car out of the snow, chances are it's the one parked right at the back of the parking lot, yes, the one with no rego, because the bill for the store was due the same week. Look them in the eye and say thank you, as you pass over the full amount for the purchase. When you leave the store, uncomplaining and unwavering in your support, you can pat yourself on the back, knowing that person now has enough money for the milk to go on their kiddies weetbix in the morning.

 

Who doesn't love a good birthday celebration?!

A luscious cake, layered with lashings of butter cream, sprinkles and topped with a candle, symbolising good wishes for the next year of life.

Illustrated birthday cards with thoughtful, sentimental verses and expressions of gratitude and love.

I'm a sucker for a good birthday celebration, in years past I have organised surprise parties and all sorts of themed activities to celebrate not just my own, but my children's, and friends birthdays.

This week, I'm celebrating my birthday, well, not the actual anniversary of my birth. However, something of near equal importance to me, the anniversary of becoming a Weight Watchers Leader.

Becoming a leader, was like putting an exclamation mark on my weight loss journey to date.

Last night, I arranged to go out for coffee and cake (yes, we eat cake at Weight Watchers) post meeting, to celebrate with a handful of co-workers, support staff and meeting members.

What a lovely evening, my support staff really surprised me toward the end of my meeting talk for ww's members, with an amazing bouquet of flowers (of course, there were not many dry eyes in the house), and a beautifully written card.

After the fantastic coffee date I arrived home to emails of gratitude for my leadership and good wishes for the future.

I'm quite chuffed, so I thought this would be a good place to share :)

____________________________________

Hi,

Just a little note to say that tonight was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed meeting some of the other members of Ali's merry men - that jen is a crack up! And I met the prettiest girl I have ever seen. Good job all round.

I know you have had it tough over the last few months, the earth moving, the end of Ali's Cupcakes, illnesses, bad backs and some nasty peeps interrupting your mojo, but this is just to let you know that you have a HUGE fan club out there. As I said at your meeting, there was a very strong trend in tonight's meeting from all those who were brave enough to share their personal journey's as they all mentioned that their own motivation is possible because of your support and ability to understand. They could go to any one of the ww meetings in Christchurch, but they choose to stay with you because of all the support and encouragement that you give us. No judgement, no lectures, just advice and a bit - nah, a lot, of laughs to help us through.

The more I get to know you, the more I am blown away by your courage, your strength through adversity and your creativity. Thank you for being you.

Just sayin'........

____________________________________ 

Ali has been a huge inspiration to me, after initially losing the weight, having it come back was really upsetting, I was going to a meeting who just wasn’t inspiring me, then I found Halswell!

Finding a leader who had the same starting weight as me was a great help, knowing that if Ali could do it, so could I. Now I work for Ali at some of her various meetings and I am back on track and motivated.

Ali is very supportive and my countless questions never seem to irritate her. Thanks for your support and motivation, and especially for getting up at 5am with me to exercise.

_____________________________________________

Dear Ali,

You are always there for me, whether it is a small question to you, it will be a large one to me. Your commitment and dedication is admirable and is never ending. You never make me feel a bother.

You are a true inspiration to me and when I need a kick up the bum I know where to come. You made me acknowledge I am worthy of this journey, I take my hat off to you, that was no easy task. I want to thank you for your never ending support, love and inspiration you have given to me in the past year and I hope in many years to come.

Your journey has only just begun, just like mine and I sure look forward to sharing that journey with you! And most of all I thank you for your open arms and friendship, remember I am always here for you!

Congratulations on your first year as a fantastic, stunning and inspirational leader. Your following is a true testament to how fantastic you are.

Thank you for being you!

XO

_____________________________________________

Even my area manager got her 2 cents in, I'm pretty glad she did:

Ali - I just wanted to say what an awesome Ambassador's Meeting you led tonight at Westfield Riccarton! I love success stories - they are part of what kept me motivated on my own journey and each one had a common theme - the support we get from meetings and having a motivational Leader! You are an inspiration to your members and to your staff and go above and beyond the call of duty. You are a force to be reckoned with and I am lucky to have you on my team! Happy first anniversary! xx

_____________________________________________

Thank you Ali. You are so amazing. I wouldn't be where I was today if it wasn't for you, and I don't just mean that in a weight loss sense either, you have helped me in so many ways. And also the fact that my boyfriend wanted to come say hi instead of going to the Fox for beers is really saying something about how awesome you are Mrs Woodhouse. :D

___________________________________________________________________________________

I think that's enough showing off for today, but how lucky am I, to get to catch up with these amazing, loving people every week! I've learned and gained so much in my time as a leader, and the friendships I have forged with many of my members is totally priceless!

Ali xo

Ali joins the circus.

The lights, they are dimming, it's time to go on,
I'm excited and nervous, where's the alcohol gone.

Time to be brave, remember all that we're taught,
"Captivate, Enticement"  that's on the ticket they bought

Lashings of make up, stockings are hitched
I really wish the lace didn't itch!

With sequins on pasties, eyelashes glued, 
Is Burlesque about.... chicks getting nude?

Curiosity peeking, the crowd starts to cheer
Last minute adjustments, get up those stairs!

With Spotlight directed, smile fixed on my face
A gleam in eye, music set to embrace..

The act was a highlight, one to remember
You've not seen the last of Miss Sassy Penders!

Written By Ali Woodhouse - 29.06.11

Well okay, not quite the circus, but I've certainly developed a refreshed love of performing arts and entertainment.

I've mentioned in my blog before, that I have been pursuing a new interest in burlesque, well I'm very excited to report, that my graduation show case is on the 31st of July, and my new alter ego Miss Sassy Penders (Sass "parAli" Penders) will be performing.

This has been a great boost, over such a stressful time in Christchurch, and something new and different to pour my energy into.

Look forward to catching up again soon, I just liked my little poem, and was excited to share LOL

“Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own.”

It was late on Friday evening, while I was mixing cake batter, for my nephew's, milestone 5th birthday, that it happened...

My two closest, best friend John, and hubby Blair, were idly standing around the kitchen counter making small talk as I fluffed about with the cake mix.

They were discussing the benefits of Mothers, that when they needed new underwear, socks and clothing, that their Mothers were often quick, to make sure that their babies were looked after, and insure that ones arse wouldn't be hanging loose out of their knickers!

Just as my cute little mini dachshund "Cupcake" did, when we introduced a new pet into the house.... I threw my toys, and stomped my feet....and... I yelped! (Figuratively speaking, of course)

"Well", I said "Aren't you both, just so lucky", I could feel my whole body  pulse with a surge of desperate anger. I looked up to my kitchen shelving, where my Mother's ashes sit (one of the few things that these wretched earthquakes have not managed to shove out of their perch). I lashed out with violence in my tone, "isn't it nice that your Mum's can do that for you!"

To be honest, I felt embarrassed for the manner in which I shared my obvious pain, it was not intended to hurt, or make either one of these men to feel badly or guilty that I was no longer able to enjoy the priviledges that Mothers tend to afford their off spring. But I just couldn't help but make comment.

I was jealous!

Yes, jealous that my husband and closest friend still had their Mummies.

Now I'm all about having a point of difference, but losing my Mum, wasn't anything I particularly had in mind.

Even the most saintly and kind person feels moments of jealousy, and I would never buy into someone saying that they were above such an emotion. For the most part it's reactive and assuming and a little bit of a sign about our own sense of inadequacy.

Jealousy and Envy, both seem to stem from an inevitable comparison, of ourselves to others, and to what they do or don't have.

For me on Friday evening, it was fueled by raw post quake emotions, and a knowing that since I have been unable to sell cupcakes and cakes that money has been tight, and I don't have anyone looking after me and making sure that my arse isn't hanging out of my knickers!

I was jealous, not just that the boys could pick up the phone and tell their Mums that they had holes in their socks, but that they would get a verbal response and then physical action and solution would ensue.

It's a part of human nature that we size up our peers, and to be analytical about what we have and the spoils of others. Regardless of how selfish an emotion it is, we all feel it at some point, whether it's in response to a new pair of boxer shorts, a friends fabulous calf muscles, perhaps even an outwardly wonderful personal life. Can we do much about it? Well maybe you can tell me!

I realise in hindsight, with the irrational nature of envious and jealous responses, that I was just missing my Mum, that I have a lot of wonderful friends around me who look after me, just like she did. The silver lining from her absence is so enormous, I can barely put it into words. I will always miss her, and I will miss the little things she did for me.

Including new socks and undies!