Ali joins the circus.

The lights, they are dimming, it's time to go on,
I'm excited and nervous, where's the alcohol gone.

Time to be brave, remember all that we're taught,
"Captivate, Enticement"  that's on the ticket they bought

Lashings of make up, stockings are hitched
I really wish the lace didn't itch!

With sequins on pasties, eyelashes glued, 
Is Burlesque about.... chicks getting nude?

Curiosity peeking, the crowd starts to cheer
Last minute adjustments, get up those stairs!

With Spotlight directed, smile fixed on my face
A gleam in eye, music set to embrace..

The act was a highlight, one to remember
You've not seen the last of Miss Sassy Penders!

Written By Ali Woodhouse - 29.06.11

Well okay, not quite the circus, but I've certainly developed a refreshed love of performing arts and entertainment.

I've mentioned in my blog before, that I have been pursuing a new interest in burlesque, well I'm very excited to report, that my graduation show case is on the 31st of July, and my new alter ego Miss Sassy Penders (Sass "parAli" Penders) will be performing.

This has been a great boost, over such a stressful time in Christchurch, and something new and different to pour my energy into.

Look forward to catching up again soon, I just liked my little poem, and was excited to share LOL

“Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own.”

It was late on Friday evening, while I was mixing cake batter, for my nephew's, milestone 5th birthday, that it happened...

My two closest, best friend John, and hubby Blair, were idly standing around the kitchen counter making small talk as I fluffed about with the cake mix.

They were discussing the benefits of Mothers, that when they needed new underwear, socks and clothing, that their Mothers were often quick, to make sure that their babies were looked after, and insure that ones arse wouldn't be hanging loose out of their knickers!

Just as my cute little mini dachshund "Cupcake" did, when we introduced a new pet into the house.... I threw my toys, and stomped my feet....and... I yelped! (Figuratively speaking, of course)

"Well", I said "Aren't you both, just so lucky", I could feel my whole body  pulse with a surge of desperate anger. I looked up to my kitchen shelving, where my Mother's ashes sit (one of the few things that these wretched earthquakes have not managed to shove out of their perch). I lashed out with violence in my tone, "isn't it nice that your Mum's can do that for you!"

To be honest, I felt embarrassed for the manner in which I shared my obvious pain, it was not intended to hurt, or make either one of these men to feel badly or guilty that I was no longer able to enjoy the priviledges that Mothers tend to afford their off spring. But I just couldn't help but make comment.

I was jealous!

Yes, jealous that my husband and closest friend still had their Mummies.

Now I'm all about having a point of difference, but losing my Mum, wasn't anything I particularly had in mind.

Even the most saintly and kind person feels moments of jealousy, and I would never buy into someone saying that they were above such an emotion. For the most part it's reactive and assuming and a little bit of a sign about our own sense of inadequacy.

Jealousy and Envy, both seem to stem from an inevitable comparison, of ourselves to others, and to what they do or don't have.

For me on Friday evening, it was fueled by raw post quake emotions, and a knowing that since I have been unable to sell cupcakes and cakes that money has been tight, and I don't have anyone looking after me and making sure that my arse isn't hanging out of my knickers!

I was jealous, not just that the boys could pick up the phone and tell their Mums that they had holes in their socks, but that they would get a verbal response and then physical action and solution would ensue.

It's a part of human nature that we size up our peers, and to be analytical about what we have and the spoils of others. Regardless of how selfish an emotion it is, we all feel it at some point, whether it's in response to a new pair of boxer shorts, a friends fabulous calf muscles, perhaps even an outwardly wonderful personal life. Can we do much about it? Well maybe you can tell me!

I realise in hindsight, with the irrational nature of envious and jealous responses, that I was just missing my Mum, that I have a lot of wonderful friends around me who look after me, just like she did. The silver lining from her absence is so enormous, I can barely put it into words. I will always miss her, and I will miss the little things she did for me.

Including new socks and undies!

Motherhood can happen when you least expect it!

Before you ask NO, I'm not pregnant!

It's amazing how, as a mother, or parent, we can feel totally overwhelmed and in love with our children, especially on the days, when our babies, have opted to be .... well..... less than pleasant; I'm grateful that these days are not overly frequent - but as with adults, kids have bad days too.


Growing up I was the only child of my Mother and Father's creation, although I was 1 of 8 combined children, from my parents previous marriages, without getting too in depth about this, I was the love child, that created havoc for my siblings, and consequently am not overly popular with the more immature of the brood.

The age gap between eldest to youngest (that's me) is quite large, and my oldest brother and sister are both in their late 40s.

With that in mind, it's not really so impossible to see how I became an Aunty when I was only 3 years old.

I've grown up since then, with a lot of "little people" in my life, from nieces and nephews, a selected few foster infants that my mother looked after and coming into adulthood, my friends offspring.

I'm definitely no expert in children, but I've certainly had nearly my entire life time worth of experience, did I mention I have over a dozen nieces and nephews? (my youngest niece just turned 1 a few short weeks ago!)

My own adventure into motherhood was not entirely black and white, and something that at the tender age of 17 when I discovered was about to happen for me, my parents were not all to impressed with, and were very quick to vocalise their concerns.

MMM, I'm sure there are a few thoughts that have crossed your mind reading that, "pregnant at 17, I wouldn't be happy with you either"

Well, you see, I wasn't pregnant!

In October 1997, I met a boy....uh oh. Well okay, he was 21, so technically a man, but let's just say boy is an accurate description for that time.

We both became quite smitten, quite quickly, so much so that I moved city for him within the space of around 7 days of having first met him. Our connection was instant, if not fueled by surging youthful hormones.

My new found beau had a very vibrant recent past;I'm sure we have all been in relationships at some point, that have had a fuzzy grey area upon their end.

To try and summarise this as plainly as possible, the boy, my now husband (Blair) and his ex girlfriend, conceived a child post relationship. And for their own reasons chose not to reconcile to raise it together, unfortunately for the female counterpart in this equation, motherhood was not something she was willing/ready for at that time and through whatever decision making process she had, decided that adopting out the infant was the best choice she could make, for her and the baby.

As an idealistic, very optimistic teenager, I was quick to encourage and support the baby being raised, in the care of his biological father.

In my eyes, it didn't make sense for the child to be cast out to any old someone, and that Blair should man up and step up to the challenges of parenthood, after all, it was him that created him!

This morning, as I soak in the realities of being Mum to a teenager; I'm feeling somewhat nostalgic.

Thinking back to Timothy's first moments of life and the ensuing days at the hospital, where my beautiful new born son was lovingly accomodated by the hospital staff, sleeping alongside the prem babies, near the nurses station, not because he was premature, or sickly, but because for many reasons it was not suitable for him to be anywhere else. I was up at the crack of dawn every day and eagerly arrived, somewhat frosted by the onset of winter, and was kindly let into the ward to care for his every need, it was my home for a few days, at the time feeling a little jaded that I couldn't stay at his side overnight, but clearly, I didn't personally require medical attention myself, so these are the things we just have to live with (hard when "injustice" is amplified in your teens).

When Tim made his appearance in the world, it was love at first sight, I was given the honour to cut his cord, and given those all too precious, special first moments of bonding, embracing his tiny little body before any other and nourishing him with his first feed. (sorry breast feeders, all bottle feeding for this lad!)

I wanted to share this in my blog today, because Timothy is just such an amazing kid, although we are not linked genetically, our bond is no different from my bond with his brothers, our looks vary, but our mannerisms are the same, and despite never living South of Christchurch, he rolls his R's like his Southland born and raised Ma. Through Tim I have learned just how precious motherhood is, and that it doesn't always come in a tidy little conformist package.

Family is not always about a DNA marker, it can often be an emotion, loving and mutual respect connection.

I was so afraid for a long time that when Tim discovered his biological beginnings, that my life as his Mum would cease to exist, instead, his understanding and gratefulness when explained, was totally awing to me. He often thanks me for being his Mum and for choosing to be there with him, and that feeling is SO mutual.

It was Timothy's birthday yesterday, my little baby, now a young man, I am so proud of him and all that he is becoming, and even though we will never be linked by blood, we are linked in heart, in respect and mutual adoration for one another.

So to Tim, thank you for being my son and choosing to walk this life time with me.

Thank you for teaching me many lessons about family, and unconditional love.

Here's to the rest our lifetimes as Mother and Son!

To those of you who have read this today, I hope you take a little insight away with you, not just about my own makings as a parent, but in your own, and all that you have to be grateful for, and treasure.

Being a parent, or significant caregiver to a child is one of the most rewarding and fulfilling moments in your lifetime.

Enjoy xo

Augustus, Veruca, Violet , Mike were all indulged in over consumption....Are your children?

Amongst all of my little oddities, you may not be too surprised to discover that I’m a bit of a voyeur …… *gasp*

Yes, I’m have a natural inclination to perv at people.

It does have its pitfalls…. I have developed a real loathing for “not so pleasant” character traits in some folk, and I guess this leads me to be slightly judgmental from time to time.

This morning, opting to take some time out for myself, I have chosen to head to Coffee Culture at Riccarton, while my three sons enjoy some time out from me and a movie at the theatre, to celebrate Tim’s (my eldest) 13th birthday.

I’ve found a wonderful little perch, just big enough for my 5 pps trim flat white bowl, and my lap top (wifi being topped up as needed).

Looking around me, I can see all sorts of people, the couple that had a hard night, that seem to be “getting to know each other”, the occasional, “oh shit what was his name?”, painful and strained, trying to recall look, coupled with the twirling hair flirty, “gosh who cares what his name is look!”

What has really caught my attention this morning though is the small family who entered and sat across from me at one of the cozy little booth seats. The children both rather … plump…walking in with bike helmets in hand, it had promise…the thought of them being out and about getting some exercise. But the demands that soon screeched out of their youthful mouths, swiftly squashed that notion.

“I WANT my usual, Mummy, get me my usual” came from the young daughters mouth, the sense of urgent demand that came across surprised me. Her brother jumping into the booth, eager expression on his face for what was about to follow.

I can only estimate their ages, based on my own children and their grasp of English language and aesthetic.

The girl would have been no older than 11, but her large double chin and premature development would have her looking a tad older than her years.

Recognising her mothers face I was interested in what was to follow.

Mum sat down with a nice big glass of water, while her daughter impatiently tapped on the table waiting what was owed to her.

Out came the order…a large iced chocolate, with a mountain of cream and ice cream and chocolate syrup, a large chocolate muffin, topped with chocolate and accompanied with butter. PHWAOR! That was some morning tea.

The brother treated to equal pleasure, they both tucked in to their “meal”

One of my well developed loathing is lack of eating etiquette, maybe something that as an overeater in the past, I am more aware of in my adulthood, and even more so the pained recollection of my childhood years and the smacked arse that was adorned me if I dared to eat in a sloppy and piggy way.

Both children crammed their mouths full, chomping with mouths wide open, crumbs falling all over their clothing, talking all the while.

Truth be told, if that was my children they would be out that door so fast!
(Obviously though we all have different priorities and schools of thought on what is acceptable and what is not….yes I can accept that…)

It dawned on me where I recognized Mum from…..some where I have been visiting to keep my health and well being (and weight) on the right pathway for many years.

MMM, pretty sure I don’t need to spell it out ….

It got me thinking, about the flow on effect as parents who have taken steps to reeducate ourselves about healthy living, portion sizing, nutrients, and about treating our bodies more respectfully.

As a mother it’s important to me that my children recognize that it’s okay to have tasty indulgences from time to time, certainly a double chocolate muffin is not the devil, and like wise neither is an iced chocolate.

Though to eat these things as a demanded right, and to devour them without taking the time to really appreciate them for their flavours/textures/enjoyment, to me is something that practices against everything I have learned.

It’s hard to share my opinion without causing offence to those that may read this, but I guess at this juncture in this epic(ally long) sharing, it’s a little late for that.

Having heard this mother talk in desperation about the difficulties she has had with her weight management journey, and her families, suggested sabotage…

Seeing the look of deprivation, while she watched her daughter feast, on sugar laden foods that she purchased, I’m now struggling to feel sympathy.

In this act of loving and nurturing her children through indulgent food, is she not teaching her children the very same habits and “sabotage” that she has been trying to escape herself?

If I could see the look of longing on her face for a taste of that muffin, surely, so too could her children sense that….

Does this not teach them, that if they were to choose something less indulgent that they would also feel deprived?

As an individual, when I come to a coffee shop, now with my new “tool kit” of learning, I now make choices in food, that I know will be tasty, and fresh (that is generally not a muffin that they need to heat to take the stale edge off it either), the choice falls in theme with the fuel my body needs to keep energy levels up and lethargy down….so surely as a parent, it’s my responsibility to do the same thing for my children.

Spending time with our children, doesn’t mean that we have to eat. I’ve long associated spending time with people as being partnered with having to eat (family gatherings when I was younger, were only ever present if there was food involved), and it’s taken me many years to begin to remodel that belief and mindset….It is okay to sit down in a café and enjoy a single beverage and not have to shove food in my mouth that I wasn’t actually needing.

I really hope that I’ve been able to teach, a little slice of this to my children…. I really do.

Surely I can’t be alone in thinking some of these things from time to time…..can I?

Good Vibrations

Old broken things must be torn down, in order to make way for the new!

It is said that there is a silver lining in most situations, and I'm sure for many of us living in post quake Canterbury, that silver lining has been hidden behind a cloak of pain and mourning.

As we see many parts of our beloved city and communities being torn down and carted away, it's difficult not to reflect upon the things that have been lost.

Clearly the structures and iconic places in our city are unsafe, and no longer serve to connect our people, so the reality is that these must be replaced, with new foundations, new memories and actions that see us rebuild, and live as a stronger, more connected people.

As a Weight Watchers leader, this is such a situation that leads me to reflect back
to my own weight loss journey.

HUH? How is this related to a major natural disaster?

Well let's face it, at 124kg I was a walking, talking, natural disaster!

Only mother nature didn't create me, I created me, through old structured behaviours, and foundations that were not serving to connect me with good health, and a long, vital, happy, lifetime.

In order to create a new life, I had to bring in the demolition crew, to smash down the old habits that got me to where I was. There was certainly a period of mourning, of feeling like I was missing out, and a sense of deprivation. There were moments of anger and frustration, of blaming all external influences (yes, sometimes people), and at times, when my week didn't pan out exactly as planned where I felt that the silver lining was a lousy crock and totally unattainable.

Making change is never easy, whether it be forced, like powerful earthquakes, pushing us towards a brighter future, or by choice, like the decision to make a better life, by working towards a healthy body.

The silver lining is in the learning, it's certainly not how we fall down, it's all about how we get back up, and how we find that forward momentum to make the fall all the more worth it.

It's easier to look back at what we no longer have, the easy road! And it's easier to hinder ourselves, by making our goals unattainable.

This week I'm challenged to continue to change my thinking, to keep focus on what will be, not what was.

I was faced with a statement in one of my meetings last night, that I had already traveled the road to success, and may no longer relate to the struggles of weight loss and the changes that are a necessary tool for that; This kind of surprised me, and perhaps I need to make a point in the future, this journey is not just about building a new life, it's about continually refurnishing it, to keep things fresh and new, it's an ongoing project to maintain my weight loss, and it's not something that I will ever be able to cease. I choose a healthier lifestyle, and as with all things in life, it takes constant learning, and practice to keep things in order.

I finish my blog today, by thanking the lady at Dodds Pharmacy for indulging my questions about the demo work in Merivale, and for her insightful comment about pulling down old structures and by quoting a phrase I heard at a Weight Watchers meeting last weekend....

"If you always do, what you've always done, you'll always get, what you've always got"

<3