Spineless!

Well I'm not really, but I'm beginning to wish I was.

Before Christmas I was admitted into hospital with a bulging back disc. The pressure from the disc affecting the strength and function of my left side.

I felt like 103 year old, laid up in hospital in the neurology unit with stroke patients and people who had undergone surgery.

It's such a humiliating injury, not being able to get out of bed, or put on a bra without assistance, or get to the toilet on your own.

The pain is back, no pun intended, I feel the same today as I did in the lead up to my last hospital stay.

My poor husband has been roped in to helping me with my cupcake orders for the morning, not like he has enough to do with his own business and helping me run our busy household.

I'm totally snappy, and intolerant and pretty freaking bitchy to be honest.

I feel like screaming and swearing and crying....

This too shall pass!

I'm feeling a little miffed tonight, while delivering my meeting - stumbled across some conflicting information in the program materials.....it was bad enough that it made me feel like a twit, but the lady pointing it out kept arguing about it, there really was nothing that I could do about the information printed in front of us all...so I tried to move on....and was snapped at for trying to keep the flow of my meeting going without the silly argumentative stuff. *sigh*

I realise I can't please everyone....but now I feel bad for maybe offending her.

*rolls eyes*

I'm going to take my stroppy sore self to bed.

XO

Mum's the word

It was just a few short days ago that it occurred to me .... this will be my 7th birthday without my Mummy!

My Mum, passed away on January 9th 2004, after being brushed with unforgiving and toxic Cancer.

I'm relieved the end for Mum came when it did, as she was such a strong, determined woman, that watching her whittle away to a submissive shell of herself was most unbearable.

The time since my realisation has been a little hazy, I've been a little slow to get out of the starting blocks most days since, and feeling a little hollow and "emo"


Personally I find it a little tricky to pull my socks up and be a big girl at times like this, although I really don't see a need to put on a fake smile.

I loved my Mum as most daughters do! I know that as my birthday approaches I will continue to get a little "whispy and tearful". It's good for me to honour my feelings, but equally, now acknowledged, I need to pull my socks up and get on with celebrating, just as she would have.

PS: I didn't use my jandals today, instead I talked to dozens and dozens of interesting men and woman who work for Westpac, it was great to be seen as such a positive role model for them and share my adventures with Weight Watchers and my own personal weight loss journey. I only hope I inspired some of those in need to come along to a community meeting and see just what an amazing difference they can make to their lives with a few small adjustments to food intake and choices. I felt a little mean and miserable though when it came to my own meeting tonight at Riccarton - I felt totally sucked dry, and was a bit of a blank when it came time to deliver my meeting....

There is a lesson in that too - and packing adequate snacks!

Picture attached is a much fatter Ali, with a very unwell Mummy!

Time to handle the jandal.

My jandals broke a couple of weeks ago.

Just another reason to shy away from the scales in meeting eh?!

Yes, I'm just like 80% of you....my weigh in at home is generally starkers and first thing in the morning.

In meeting however, I prefer my singlet, tights and jandals.


I thought my $3.50 spend at Countdown on these last night was a step forward in the right direction.

Like Kirsten says, "no excuses!"

Confessional....

I've never once considered myself a coward, sure, I'm not particular fussed with confrontation, but if the moment calls for it, I'm a pretty tough cookie, and I'm usually totally happy to stand up for what I believe to be just and right.


mmmhmmm, I do think it's official though, despite my delight for mathematics (ok ok my calculator) I'm pretty sure that I'm scared of numbers.

I wonder what that is called?! A numberphob?

and after a quick google search, I wasn't too far off!

Numerophobia!

That's it, that must be it, not at all the knowledge that I often bite off a little more than I can chew, but I'm afraid of numbers.

Or am I?


Todays confessional, and for my very first blog, perhaps not the easiest one to make:

My name is Ali, I'm a Weight Watchers Leader, I nurture and support 100+ men and women on a weekly basis, to strive for a better life, to achieve all they desire, to help them realise their strengths and combat their weaknesses.

It is my firm belief that my members enjoy better and more regular success if they attend and weigh in at a weekly meeting, if not my own, at the closest location to them at the time.

The accountability, support and fellowship gained from such surroundings is unparalled in a journey of such a large emotional investment.

I stopped attending a meeting for myself a few months ago, for various reasons, consolidated now back to mere excuses.

(There really is no good and sound reason for me to have put my health and well being on the back seat.)

It was encouraging to diary note a new meeting, I can attend, as the member I originally started out as. Although I do feel guilty sharing in the meeting now, almost like I'm an intrusion to the group....

I have also been unable to bring myself to step on the scales.

Weighing in at home is no issue for me.

However the thought of weighing now in front of my peers, and members who I have shared my journey with has become a very confrontational event.

Three weeks I have been back to meetings.

And even then I toy with omitting that I couldn't face it today (instead I vacuumed my lounge and caught up on some washing), because it would have been the third week in a row I couldn't bear to get on the scales.

mmm well maybe this is not a issue with numbers after all.



It's certainly a scary feeling to come across a barrier like this, particularly when I know that many people look to me as a source of inspiration and hope for their own success.

My blog creation is to steal back a little of that "me" time I feel I'm missing from having a regular weigh and meeting experience for myself.

To consolidate a few thoughts and emotions.

And to hopefully continue to help others in their journey.

The joy I get to experience every time one of my members shares a success with me, the tears, laughter and heart I get to share in meeting and via email communications back and forward, the praise for my meetings and the pride I feel towards members totally makes this journey one to be committed to.

This blog serves to remind me that Ali is as deserving of sublime as each of my darling and beautiful members I am honoured to meet.